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Additionally, I have also heard those who agree with and support this life choice. There is no right or wrong way on how someone lives their life, who they fall in love with, or who they choose to stay away from. The expectations of a Hmong daughter—especially a Hmong nyab daughter-in-law is—in my opinion—the biggest factor as to why some Hmong women do not date even look at Hmong men.
What are the expectations, you ask? An ideal Hmong woman is silent, passive, and obedient. She is expected to be Super Woman with 10 arms and legs to multitask efficiently 24 hours a day, 7 days a week without rest.
An educated Hmong woman who have dreams and aspirations for themselves may fear the demands of a traditional Hmong nyab. And to avoid husbands and in-laws who may not agree with their differing life goals, Hmong women may stay away from Hmong men. Additionally, when your parents have pounded to your head that your only duty as a Hmong female is to honor and serve your husband and in-laws, you may grow up resenting your culture and run the other way.
Mind you, some Hmong families are more progressive than others. Some have adopted the Western lifestyle completely or have started to give more leeway to a Hmong nyab.
I feel as if during their journeys to seek those who will not confine them into a lifestyle of bearing children and domestic housework, many Hmong women forget that not all Hmong men—or families for that matter—are the same.
So, how hard is it to find a Hmong man with the standards mentioned? Statistics show that more and more Hmong women are exceeding Hmong men in graduating from high school and college. What does this mean? It means that the more educated a woman is, the more likely she will look for a life partner whose education is up to her level as well.
There could be a lot of reasons for this: 1 someone with a higher education is more likely to have a stable job and a steady income; 2 He is a hardworking, goal-oriented person who values education; and 3 education equals higher intelligence and a more open mind; and lastly, someone with an education and a well-paying job is independent.
Of course, not everyone who has a higher education may carry any of these attributes, but it is more likely. And from experiences and observations, Hmong women may start to believe that all Hmong men are the same and refuse to seek another Hmong relationship. Generalizing: we do it all the time. We, as a society, have generalizations of the poor, the rich, the young, old, fat, skinny, etc.
Get to know a Hmong man and you may find that he is different from what you had expected.
I'm (F 19) dating a hmong guy (M 21) and we've been dating for about a year now . with the first fear—the cultural expectations are different and hard for standing/saving face: and dating outside the race brings discredit on. Reading the comments, I'm a little disappointed, and I wish my Hmong I see it a lot with my Hmong friends in college. Date other races or ethnic groups!. It's an interracial date therefore, the biggest factor as he kept saying it is the hmong culture are big bamboo baskets for. Add a black woman dating other race .
I am one of those Hmong woman who is currently dating outside of the race due to my experiences with dating Hmong men. Education is the biggest factor as to why I am not in a relationship with a Hmong man. Like Like.
Sometimes, you have to do things to make yourself happy, even if it is not accepted by family or the community.
From my personal experience and evaluation, I think many Hmong men though not always highly educated are very intellectual people, hard working, independent and hold high values regardless of the stereotypes and stigma that society has seem to put on them. Their values lie deep in being family oriented and having cultural values such as being the provider.
I always say education can be overrated sometimes because we belittle those who do not have an education standard as high as ours. Many Hmong men and boys have a lot of pressure on them and struggles of their own that sometimes can be overlooked by the opposite sex.
And my Hmong man is out there in search of me as well as I am in search of him. It just a matter of taking time to meet one another. People choose who they want to spend their life with emotionally, physically, and financially.
dating other races or ethnicity
I believe that everyone should keep an opened mind. It is a personal preference and with the society we lived in, everyone has many options to choose whom to fall in love with.
I dislike the Hmong tradition, no offense, but I still respect each and every Hmong individuals…. Regardless what race, there is always something good or bad about it. Hmong is the same as American. All American do not get along nor do they like everyone.
Many stereotypes of Hmong men who do not have post-high school degrees are that they are lazy, unmotivated, and stupid. My dear spouse is one of the Hmong men who do not have a college degree. I think the question comes up over the past few decades sometimes in hot debate: at a broader level on why some Asian-background women date non-Asian men and also why some Asian-background men date non-Asian women.
It is important to remember where the person was at that point in life when they met their partner…face to face. He makes the pureed veggie soups, creative salads, desserts while I throw together the stir-fries more naturally, homemade focaccia, etc. It does help in terms of sharing values, intuitive understanding on certain issues, that he himself was an immigrant, had to learn English, was from a poor family and betttered his own situation by going through university.
Jean, you bring up a very good point. I live in a small town with an even more smaller Hmong community.
And this Hmong community consisted of mainly families with the same last names. Growing up, it was hard to find a local Hmong boyfriend because of the taboo of dating someone with the same last name. Many girls opted for relationships with guys from out of town or out of state. More importantly, we love, respect, support and trust each other unconditionally and have always embraced our cultural differences as a positive force to bridge our two worlds.
My family especially my very traditional Hmong father had their reservations in the beginning, but gradually they have grown to absolutely adore my husband and also see in him all the great human qualities that I fell in love with — integrity, morals, values and etc. In all honesty, I have to say that with my husband being a highly educated individual with a successful international career, it did make it a lot easier for my family to accept the possibility that our relationship could work.
In addition, my husband is very open-minded, respectful of the sensitivities underpinning our cultural differences and has always shown and maintained consistency from day one with his genuine interest in wanting to learn more about our culture i.
He took my parents to Laos for a whole summer to see, understand and experience our culture from their perspective and through their eyes, in order to enrich his learning process. I was born and raised in the US, grew up in one of the largest Hmong communities in America with strict Hmong values and principles.
In the end, I met and fell in love with a white man from Europe. Sometimes, love just takes you down a different path from what your family would wish for you and themselves. But, I also see many of my female friends and relatives married outside of their race and out of the 9 that I know, only one is successful.
The rest of the couples have so much marital problems and 5 already divorce and are considered old maids in their thirties. Yes, Hmong tradition are sometimes not the best way to go, but please remember that other race have their own problems worst then us. I urged you to keep your culture and traditional believes the good ones and never forget who you are and where you come from.
Past it down to your children too. If u hate Hmong guys then this is the article for you.
As for me i saw it differently. This is incorrect and written from ones opinion. Not much of it is true. Proud to say my dad is the best person in this world. Cooks and clean for us always bringing us together. Of course this is all my personal opinions on this matter.
MB is just opening up a new paradigm of thought around why more and more Hmong Women are moving towards inter-racial relationships. And if you look across all ethnicities, inter-racial coupling is becoming more and more prominent as the world becomes better connected through the advancement of information technology, and being able to bridge people from across the globe.
It is up to each individual to make a relationship work, regardless of the color of their skin. Absolutely not. My marrying outside of my culture had nothing to do with this. Love has no boundaries, limitations or segregations… only people do. And in so doing, they create conflict within themselves and others. Thank you for reading my article as is and not taking the assumption that I am bashing Hmong men.
Of course, I knew this was inevitable because it is a sensitive topic to many Hmong men. If you hate hmong guys or hmong people then this is the article for you. As for me I saw it differently. Just because you grew up in a mess up family or married into one doesnt mean all Hmong families out there are F up. For all I know the divorce rates for other races are freaken unbelievable. As a Hmong Man, I find it highly offensive, and it shows their ignorance and lack of understanding of our community.
I believe that finding a partner, and love should not be bounded just to their community, and I also believe that one should not be enable by their community — stigmatizing Hmong Men in this manner does exactly that. Yes, some do it out of ignorance, but I believe most do it because they are aware of the responsibilities of being a Hmong wife and the dynamics of family life within a Hmong family; and that is not the kind of life they want to live. These are all learned behaviors that can taught starting at a young age.
What I see is a problem are women who are aware of these issues continuing to enable their sons to perpetuate this cycle. Before you judge us Hmong men too harshly, consider this: We live in a country that has always subjugated us through the media. In fact, the very idea of interracial marriage is most often depicted by a white male with an ethnic female. We see this everywhere television, movies, stories, posters, etc. In contrast, minority men especially Asian men are usually depicted as geeky, ugly and un-heroic.
Avoiding your own kind IS a form of racism. At least we Hmong men are willing to face these problems! Compared to every other ethnic group in America including white peopleHmong people have the greaest success in the shortest amount of time. Not many groups can boast the same. It is a personal choice and whether or not you agree with it, they still have every right to do so.
I disagree. The Chinese have been here almost as long as Caucasians and they are still Chinese. They have integrated, but not assimilated into something other than Chinese. By your regard, we should all just lay down and become white-washed simply because we live here. That they want more of a life than to become someone who has no voice, no opinion, no identity of her own?
I love being Hmong. Your example of the Chinese, the Chinese also struggle with gender inequalities. Not as much as we do as Hmong women because they have been here longer. Comparing our history here to others is not comparable at all.Do Good Looking Asian Men Even Want to Date White Women? (AMWF) ???????????????? ?? ? ??? ?? ?
Are we slowly getting there? The role of a Hmong man has always been to provide and take care of his family. Our fathers did it. Their fathers did and so on. Here, in America, some may take care of their families, some may not. What does that make them? So, until you can solely say we are abandoning our culture when we chose to marry outside, I would stop to take a look at why it is happening. We have assimilated.
Maybe the problem is, our fellow Hmong brothers have not. We can be mothers, daughters, daughter in laws and wives but at the same time be strong, powerful, opinionated and educated. That is why some of us have chosen to go elsewhere. Your mentality is the the perfect example of why. Mary, you are just too good for ALL of us Hamong men! That is why no Hamong men is good enough for you and you chose to marry a white guy instead. Because you are trying to claim that an aspect of the traditional Hmong culture from Asia is somehow being used here in the USA to stop Hmong women from having careers.
Guess what? When our parents and grand parents lived in the jungles of Laos, nobody had any careers to worry and talk about! If you wanted a Hamong man, then it could be assume that you would want a Hamong who also has a PhD or makes as much money as you, if not more. And why would Hamong parents of this Hamong man not want the income you provide for the family???? If this Hamong man is intelligent and successful, he will likely be very Westernize as well, no different than a white guy.
But if you had a PhD and a great career, why would you marry a dumb Hamong man in the first place?
Why Some Hmong Girls Do Not Date Hmong Boys
Now imagine this scenario: you only have a highschool diploma and the best job you can get is a cashier. And guess what? Even if you husband was not Hamong, he would still expect that you sacrifice your cashier job for his factory career!
How many men, regardless of their ethnicity and culture, would sacrifice their careers for their wives careers? HINT: not many. If you truly had a career worth pursuing, as a woman, you are better off to pursue it before getting marriage. There are plenty of Italian-Americans, Latin-Americans and Asian-Americans who hold onto their cultural roots and traditions. However, I believe in integrating Hmong culture with the society we live in.
I believe in what it means to be Hmong, first and foremost. That means fixing the problems we have from within. No Hmong men are educated and sophisticated enough for your white fetishes?
I come from a new breed of Hmong men who are educated, confident and successful. Yet, we are humble enough to realize social changes are needed to uplift our own.
But we Hmong men have a responsibility beyond what any Hmong woman could understand. I sincerely hope that sometimes we can laugh at stupid stereotypes and work through all these disagreements. That is the real test of all. Im in a situation where my mon and dad dont approve my relationship.
I know many Hmong women who refuse to date, let alone marry a It's sad to see them Hmong men dating other races too when there are so. Hmong people say it's taboo and look down on it even though It doesn't matter if it is the same last name, different races, same gender, etc. To all the Hmong boys who have asked me before: why don't you date Hmong guys? A married Hmong woman has no rights, cannot be raped by her husband. be one of the boys — learning to shoot, racing bikes, demanding my turn There were always other people present so we never spoke, never.
My boyfriend is mien mixed wit hmong. His mom is hmong. He is half hmong after all. Does it really matter? My parents has been lecturin me bc i wont break up wit my bf. Like a young teen. We both do look a like and act a like. My dad is a well known hmong man. A well respected man also. Think right that would want to hit hmong dating white on strike up a minute conversation with him at start the generator and other.
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Going point to drink or two outside of race and im black hmong dating minnesota woman getting married to a muslim country, you will be much better. A lot of these self hating Asians will proudly throw other asians under the bus to try to fit in with their non-asian friends, but then play up their "Asianness" when it benefits them. It's not entirely their faulty, though.
Hmong dating other race
Growing up, all the Prince Charming, heroes or romantic leads that they see in the media are white guys. From TV shows to Hollywood movies, it's always the white guys who get the girls, including the asian girls. If you ask ANY American girl Asians American girls included to name the most handsome guys they can think of, most likely they are going to start naming off celebrities and most likely they're going to be white guys.
Asian men are either emasculated or portrayed as super patriarchal and sexist. Media does effect the way people are viewed, and it has a bigger effect on how minorities are seen, since we have less representation in the media. Don't believe me about media's influence? For example checkout the Hallyu Korean Waveand it's effect on girls world wide. Kpop and Kdrama are making a lot of girls around the world gush all over Korean guys, and it's effect trickles down to other Asian guys also.
Back on topic, 1 out of every 3 Asian women isn't marrying an Asian guy, nor are non-Asian women marrying Asian guys, that means there are and will be a lot of single Asian American men out there. And I've seen it in college.
The Asian guys competing with each other going after the few and the same available Asian girls. I see it a lot with my Hmong friends in college. Date other races or ethnic groups! Those girls who say "I don't date asian guys" are missing out. If an Asian girl uses that line on you, just ask her how she will explain to her Asian looking son yes, because Asian genes are more dominant than white genes about why she thinks he's inferior, or ask her what she will tell her son when he comes to her and tells her that the Asian girl he likes says that she's not into Asian boys.
Asian men are playing the dating game in hard mode in the Anlgoshpere, but that's what makes us better.