PART TWO: Dating a Man with a Girlfriend or WifeIt's a Wednesday night, and my boyfriend and I are drinking wine and making out in the back booth of a dimly lit bar. It feels like nothing else in the world exists… until my phone vibrates. The kids are in bed," I say, then put my phone in my purse and pull my boyfriend toward me. I spend half a second staring at the diamond on my engagement ring before hiding my hand from my sight line. It's not a secret that I'm married, but it's also not something I want to think about right now. Am I a horrible person?
Do you obsess over it, or do you just acknowledge it and then carry on with your life? Note that in this piece, we are focusing on couples in monogamous, exclusive relationships. In open or polyamorous arrangementsthe rules may differ; acting on crushes may be permissible or even encouraged. It may have more to do with you and your family or relationship history than it does with the person.
A crush that starts innocently enough might begin to cross the line into emotional affair territory if left unchecked. One telltale sign: When you get news, good or bad, is your first instinct to tell your crush or your partner? So what should you do if you suspect your feelings are more serious? For starters, do not reveal this to your crush, Hardie-Williams said. Have a strategy planned for exiting a social situation if things are heading in a direction where the line could be crossed.
Well, yes I vowed to love honor and cherish, but hubby also vowed to be there for me and be my spiritual, emotional and sexual food if I kept myself to him. When you cut off the food, don't blame me if I eventually, finally get hungry and look elsewhere to find a way to survive and remember what it feels like to have a guy touch me.
We ladies aren't looking for a guy party -We just need one healthy guy who is willing to be fun and keep his mouth shut in exchange for a nice woman who isn't going to pressure him into something he doesn't want. Instead of guiding people to NOT put themselves in that situation. This type of article is what wrong with the society and so many family ends up falling apart.
Please don't listen to this article - it teaches people to do the wrong thing. This is wrong. When I'm caught will the husband kill me quickly, or refuse to let me die no matter how much I beg him? One day I got a telephone number from street with home adress. I keep the number with me for 2 weeks. One evening I call her and enquire about something and told her that I seen you today at some bank with green tight dress and told that " you are so beautiful and well figured".
She cut the phone. I tried again and again. One day she took the phone and give to here servant and told me that, dint call her because she is married.
But I tried again, and told her that I cant forget her. We quarrel several time. And I give all information about me like family, college all. At last she believe me half. We talk so much in phone and I went her home. She welcomed me but here flat windows are opened and she keep the main door too open.
We talk 10 min. Her husband was working outstation.
Dating another man while married
She lives with here 2 sons. Her husband don't care her very well or don't discuss her for any family decision. She was so upset because he is angry with her for small reason. I always listen her patiently in phone for hours.
In my first visit I behave so gently. Second time after 2 week again I visit her at her apartment. She was wearing a red gown, and looks so beautiful. She didn't open her window and I close the main door after I enter inside her apartment. She cook brake fast for me we had it from one plate. I praise her much and she brushed. I went her bed room and call her infront of mirror.
She warn me to dont do any thing in appropriate. I agree and told her, I will not do anything without your permission. She came near to me. She was tittle smaller than me. I ask her to show her bare back. But she deny. I request much, then she agree and and open her back button. Her back color bra also open without her permission. She was agree at that moment when I open her bra. I say sorry. I didnt touch any private part.
I touch her hip but she tickle much and told that she cant resist touch her hip. Next week again I visited and say sorry to her waht happened last visit. She also tolad me that, she didnt sleep some night, and thought about what happen last time.
Her husband not do anything like that. He switch off all light and doing everything at dark. He never watch her beauty or praise her. So she was flat. This time she wear skirt and white shirt.
I hug her and she told me dont sex with her. She loves her husband. I told I was so desire about you. I cant rape her because we were so close.
So I kiss her cheeks and even she dint allow me to kiss her lips too. She said sorry for that. But that time I open her skirt and see big black mole near her private part. I guess this mole in our telephone discusion before. She was almost wet and told me taht she cant betray her husband. I agreed and leave her home.
But stil we are friends but dint allow me sex with her until now. I have freedom on her, i think I can force her to bed. But I didn't like that. I have full freedom but not for sex Great article, I'm dating a married woman who I'm borderline in love with and I haven't even slept with her. It's been 4 months we've hung out for short periods of times and she's expressed so much interest we've kissed passionately I even had her all too myself one time and thought we we're finally going to have sex and she got cold feet she told me she's never stopped out of her marriage.
I was so upset but didn't show it deep down I was fuming I thought how could we have had so much sexual build-up and not even take off her shirt. This was a month ago and since that night she's totally backed off she still talks to me and text me but I've noticed it's not the same, in the beginning she showered me with flattery and flirting conversations but since that night she's been a different person I gotta admit I really really miss her old ways.
I don't know I guess I'm more in love with her now than ever, we use to talk and text every single day to now just limited text messages she may be really busy who knows, I guess I put my hopes up too high and now that she's backed off I feel like she doesn't like me anymore.
This is what I get for involving myself with a married woman. I've been chased by four married "milfs" since the day I became an adult at I never did anything, I was being an ordinary guy with my own taste in fashion, music, and hobbies. I did some research and it turns out to be that when women settle down at such a young age they tend to be unhappy with their lives. They start wishing they were our age again and sometimes even behave like we do in order to feel young again. Everything is games until the moment they go from being "bored" to being "horny" to being "emotionally attached".
I met a married much younger woman at her work place, restaurant, the first time we looked into each other's eyes there was a lightning bolt along with fireworks. I was very polite and dint say anything at that time as I was star struck.
The next time I saw her at her register, I said may I ask your name and she gave it to me and I said pleasure to have met you bla bla, may I introduce myself my name is bla bla. But I felt guilty and put my attention to another female, but it was not the same. I told her I miss miss you, she said I miss you to and got tongue tied again.
I left and waited to think how dumb that was. So I went back and told her I'm sorry but when I look at youmy mind turns to jelly, there are things want to ask you but I cant seem to get it out.
I said see you soon, she said ok.
"I have a fantastic husband but I fell in love with another man. How do I move on? " I am a married woman in my mid forties with two grown-up children. I emigrated to . Telegraph Dating - find your kindred spirit. In Lesley. Experience: I'm married but I sleep with other men I saw an advert in a newspaper for a dating website for married people, I was intrigued. Feeling attracted to another person is usually harmless. But choosing to act on those feelings could turn an innocent crush into an emotional affair. Samantha Rodman, psychologist and dating coach they're in,” said Kathy Hardie-Williams , a marriage and family therapist in Portland, Oregon. But when.
I knew she was married as my female friend works there and told me and has one child, so I disappeared and didn't go back for a week and a half. Being away did not change the feeling I get from her.
I 'm going to give her a note when I see her tomorrow night. I wanted to ask you something last night, but I just got tp tongue tied. I wanted to ask you if you feel something special between us, or is it just my imagination. I' m asking this because when I look into your eyes or just being near you, I do feel electricity from you that goes right to my core. I really need to know is it just my imagination and stepping over the line, the last thing in the world I would want to do is make you feel uncomfortable in any manor.
I not sure I should even be asking you this, so please forgive me for asking, but I really would like to know. If it is yes I will leave you alone no questions asked. That sounds more difficult than dating regularly. In fact, all of this is steps to dating an unmarried "girl", but with the addition of having to keep it secret and hope her husband doesn't kick the snot out of you.
Way more difficult to tango with a married woman. I am married by the way so take your best shot. You won't get anywhere because I have more confudence that going out and having a drink by myself hoping some douchebag strikes up conversation. I so agree with Albert Where is our self-respect both men and women?
Why would anyone give their body to someone who could care less about them as a person, and who is not committed to them? Where are our morales and our love for our families? To me, both the person preying and person cheating are equally guilty of committing adultery. I stalked, I mean knew a women 22 years ago until I finally build up enough balls to reach out to her on social media.
I never was able to land a women on my own due to low self-esteem and a very small Why not, who cares about ruining a family. I'm not a good looking guy but I studied up on the art of taking advantage of an older women when she is the most vulnerable. It worked like a charm! I just had to text, email, and call her with all kinds of flattering comments and be nice to her and I was then able to lure her into my dark world.
I know there is a place in hell with my name on it. At least I'll be warm. Why would I want to be involved with a married woman?
Obviously she has no morale compass. If she is willing to screw around on her husband, she is a whore. Same goes for married men. If I got to a point where I was no longer interested in my wife, I would leave her.
Most married women I know have too much self respect to have an affair, maybe that is because most of the women I know are intelligent, working women who do not depend on a man for financial support and if they were unhappy, they could just leave. There is no shortage of women on earth. Why in the hell would I want one who I know is sleeping with another man before or after she sleeps with me?
No thanks, if you don't have the skill or confidence to pick up a single woman and need to prey on unhappy married woman, you have proven that you aren't a very trustworthy or genuine person like you state you should purport yourself to be in the article. How about just actually BE genuine and caring and find your own woman? This is an article for men who are losers. Funny they usually start the flirting and showing a lot of skin with robes that just happen to open etc.
CFO etc as they rather spend more time making money then taking care of their wives needs and they have no plans of ever leaving their spouses which makes it FWB. CFO etc as they rather spend more time making money then taking care of their wives needs. She is not able to come outside without her husband and if she wants go outside alone her home people and close relations will enquire her and they talk bad about herso she is not able to tell that she loves me and she is not able to do dating.
Hi Kevin, there is this married woman I love so much she is 41 years old and her husband is about I know her and her husband very well. I would like to tell her that I want to be having a secret relationship with her by using your techniques, but I am she might tell her husband and other people around her who also know me as well which might be very bad for me. I really love this woman because I think of her everyday. I offered to drive her to her place of work few days ago, but she refused.
Please what can I do to to be having secret relationship with her? Im a married woman for 17 years He has no desire to cheat or even attempt to be tempted by another woman And for you idiots that attempt this You may just lose your donuts. Is it fair to a women who gave it her all to give up her sex life in her mid 40's? My husband had some issues with ED he took medication for awhile six months into the marriage he stopped taking Meds.
Sex was occasional most of the work on my part. Six years later lucky if anything happens once every few months. I try to talk about it in a kind way he will not open up. I've all but given up he doesn't bathe on a regular basis or brush his teeth let alone change clothes everyday. I have no family to turn to we have moved to a rural area and have no friends.
I feel trapped I do work the thought of starting over after 50 is scary. You need to view it in a manner, which means you need think about how much your decision is going to affect you not in just in 10 days, but in 10 months, and even in 10 years. And I talked about how your decision would affect your lover, your spouse, your kids, and many other things.
As a matter of fact, I went so far as to divorce my wife to be with the other woman. But when I mentioned the fact that the lover had left me, some people commented:. And you know what? You left your wife for the person that you truly were in love with. In other words, they could be married but madly in love with another person. I was divorced for some period of time after that, and eventually had a relationship with another woman, and we had a very deep emotional connection.
It was actually my decision to leave that woman and then to ask my former wife if she would consider the possibility of taking me back. But with all relations having to do with romance, all go through these stages and at some point begin to diminish and change into a different kind of love that does not have the ecstasy.
As a matter of fact, if you look at it from an anthropological standpoint, even a biological standpoint, it has to change. Because people in that state of intense relationship with each other, that intense set of emotions, that becomes overpowering. If you decide to give up your marriage, give up your relationship with your children if you have them, to end the things with your spouse because of what you feel today, think about, what are you going to feel tomorrow?
Now, to a different kind of love maybebut they definitely did subside. And the sexual relationships. Think about your own marriage, it definitely did, did it not? After a period of time? And yes, to the point where she left me. But, more toward what I wanted to talk about- you begin to think about how what you do affects other people. For example, think about what you do to your spouse if you leave him or her for another person. But because of the fact that we deal with marriages every day of all sorts, people in their first marriages, second marriages, third marriages, even today talking to somebody in a fifth marriage, understand that the hurt you carry from whatever previous relationship definitely affects how you operate in another relationship.
You may be doing what I did. I vilified Alice. What I mean by that is I turned her into the villain, talked about how evil she was, all the terrible things she did, how she was getting what she deserved, and fully believed all those things when I was saying them. But if he or she cares anything about you at all, then you know that by leaving him or her for another person, you are hurting that person. As a matter of fact, you may love your children deeply. All through the stuff I did, I never quit loving my children deeply.
And, I was part of the process that brought them into this life. Therefore, I owe them because I brought them here. Now, think about this. Even if things had worked out with Sally Sue, the person I talked about in the first video, would that then mean that I had no more obligation to my children?
Even though Alice and I eventually got back together and remarried, and my children and I have wonderful relationships to this day, I can see the effect.
This happens when people feel amazing, powerful emotions toward another. Or if we see the flaws, we minimize them. It happened for me, it happened for Sally Sue. It also happened with thousands and thousands of couples. And, it does finally begin to subside; that halo effect goes away. You can begin to see flaws in the other person because everybody is imperfect, including you, which means they are also going to see your flaws. What it was costing Sally Sue, my lover, to be involved with me.Married But In Love With Someone Else - Pt. 1
What was she losing? How did it affect her other relationships, her reputation, her own self-concepts? But when it did, who do you think she was angry with? We see that again and again when that intense emotion begins to fade if the other person had to give up something for you, reputation, relationships, religion, occupation, family, whatever it might be. The odds of you winding up together are actually extremely slim. Most people who leave their spouse for another person never marry that person.
The ones that do marry each other, they have an exceptionally high divorce rate. The ones I know that have made it still have regrets about what they did, and they have regrets about the pain they caused other people, and the pain they caused themselves.
You see, your actions determine your future. But with time, those focuses would begin to change, those emotions would begin to modify. When he sang, Seger otalked about this woman named Janey who was the queen of his night.
He talked about how they shared secrets with each other and their love was like a wildfire that was out of control. And he talked about her holding him so tight, promising him that it never would end.
Remember that other line? And what does that do to you? You begin to have regrets. As a matter of fact, he phrased it like that, from that point on in the song. He said he sought shelter again and again. If I have children, give them up as well. Is it really all about me? Is it really all about you?
I want you to be happy, I really do, but not based on something that you think is going to last forever. What about you? Be sure to subscribe to our YouTube channel so you can get all our videos. How could I ever be in love with my spouse again after feeling what I felt for this man or this woman? If you wish to learn how to overcome the deep emotion you currently feel for your lover and find the way to have a fulfilling marriage with your mate, we can help.
Please get more information by completing the form below or by calling us at Hi…thanks for the info. I been married for fifteen years.
I have strayed online and met a woman I am falling in love with. I am stuck between rock and a hard place. I want this woman so bad! Shes from another country and wants to fly here to be with me. I have two children also. We understand your situation because we see it everyday at Marriage Helper. My advice is to give us a call at And if possible, we would love to see you and your wife at one of our workshops for marriages in crisis.
In the next couple of weeks we will also have a great video series that Joe put together for spouses in your situation. It will be extremely valuable in your decision making process.
Let us know how else we can help! We both share the same passions and we have a friendship like none other. I love my wife, but I think, that we are going different, ways and we clash a lot. I am sooooo lost!!! I am so sorry you are going through this. We know how difficult your walk in this journey is as well. However my best friend and I are feeling all the urges to be together.
Shes been married 30 years and happily but somehow her and I fell in love. Both of us know we can never be together but we both are also madly in love with eachother. How to we escape the deep love and just be friends? She asks me for poetry and short stories of romance and I give them to her.
I was in a terrible marriage for 20 years no intimacy at all no love and I feel this is why I have fallen in love with her and then she me. Ed, I understand the intense emotion that you feel for this woman.
I also know how in nearly every case these situations turn out. However, it will not last in the same form it is now. It never does. Passion always fades. When it does, people look around and wonder what happened…how they gave up so much for this new relationship that seemed to be the ideal…and how that beautiful dream evolved into a nightmare.
More than 20 years experience working with couples tells me that if you pursue this new woman and lose your wife of fifteen years, you will come to regret it.
Think of it like this…take all the passion your fee for the new woman now and multiply it by a factor of ten but in a negative direction. Send us an email to Johnny. Cardwell MarriageHelper. Kenya, I recommend that you head over to our podcasts section and listen to some of them. We have quite a few that speak to what you are feeling and going through.
I am in the same situation. I met this girl who is 18 yrs younger than me and I am starting to fall for her. Ed, we have a new program that may interest you. We hope you can check it out and we believe it can be extremely helpful to you. Its seems like every thing is perfect. We like all the same things. He never wants to do anything. He says that he tired from work all the time. He has physically hit me.
What to do when you are married but in love with another person. it when you were dating each other and then you finally got married, you've. We don't control each other's test results, but it just became commonplace that they lay in open access. Don't cheat. Don't tell another person. Read these 5 reasons before you go on another date. Since I counsel men and women before, during and after a relationship or marriage.
I already have two children with my husband. My husband has left our home. But comes there everyday. What should i do? Grass is not green on the other side. Make things right with your wife. What if she did that to you? Talk to your wife and maybe you can work it out together. You guys both have to work at it. If you have a physical connection with this women you will ruin your family and make yourself more confuse.
Nothing not good forever you will come across other problems with this other women once you really get to know her. You were once in love with your wife and probably still love her but not in love.
Give your family a chance. Cut ties with that woman and focus on your family and exercise maybe join a gym with your wife find the spark that was once there. If you are ready to fully go. Think about this are you ready to see your wife with someone else loving her and your kids. I need help. Hi…I am married 15years now.
I took it very bad at that time and gave him. Everything went well but I think about it every day. The last 1year I became very talkitive to a friend of my husband that knows about the affair my husband had as he was there the night I confronted the women.
The last 3 weeks we called. We decided to meet last Thursday just for. But he kissed me and I kissed back aboy 3 times. I walked away cause I dont believe in cheating as it hurts so much. But I cant stop thinking about him and think I have not felt like this for. I can turn around and he want more of. I told him that the kiss just drove me more md but I never returned.
I live abiut km away but work close by every 2 week. I play the kissing over and over in my head. What should I do? My husband on the other hand I can see is trying to change but there are still so much lies from. Imagine the first girl you ever loved — how your emotions were so strong. And then over time. Then the next.
Got old and boring. Surely you have enough wisdom in your years to step back and recognize the emotional state. New feelings are strong.
They are fresh. Recognize this emotional state I mentioned and that this article mentioned. Look back over your life. See how it was common. Remember and reflect on when you were first with your wife, when you were dating. Look at old photographs. Re-live those moments. Take yourself back there. You and your wife have reached a stale part of life. It happens. Recognize that. Travel together.
Most people wouldn't believe how common a practice this is with a relationship: A man literally finding another to have sex with their wife. But. A lot of divorced men are filling up the columns of dating apps and But, at the same time, dating another man while you are still married is. That's when I met and married my husband. We met Dating While Married I also met another man who is a veritable pro at polyamory.
Adventure together. Do exciting things together.
How Affairs Make My Marriage Stronger
Change things up. Be romantic, go exploring together, have fun together. And you need to end this online fling. End it. Tell her you have to end it and end it.
Go and pursue your wife, find your adventures in life and do those together with your wife. Live life and enjoy it with the woman you married … she needs that from you. I been married 20 years and ended up in divorce due to affair with loverboy for 3 years… what happend was the lover didnt marry and settle with me he just wanted sex….
What do we do? You say you have a strong bond — and I do not doubt you feel that — but how strong is his bond to you if he continues to see you only in secret and keeps living with another woman. I have worked with my coworker for 12 years and I have been married for 11 yrs to my husband.
Out of those 12 yrs my coworker and i have had a relationship for 5 yrs. The problem is that I have fallen in love with my coworker. We have been through it all together. But my husband is the perfect man and has not done anything wrong. Jane, I have asked Joe to give you some feedback on this post. Something that I would offer — think about your belief and value system. If your belief and value system says that your marriage commitment it important and that you would not want to break this commitment that you made before God, friends and family, then your choice is clear.
We understand that acting on that belief and value system is easier said than done. If you would like us to help without judgementfeel free to give us a call at One of the hardest, yet most crucial, aspects of life we learn is that you sometimes have to let go of one thing to have another. If you continue as you are now, you run the risk of losing both men.
Things like that can go on for a while but eventually some little error brings it all to light and then things get bad quickly.
If a part of you thinks that would make things easier because if your husband divorced you, you could be with your coworker, think again. That guilt can quickly erode the positive emotions. Also, having a few years of relationship that was clandestine carries its own sort of intrigue that immediately ceases when the other person gets divorced. I urge you to make a life choice consistent with who you really are — consistent with what you believe and value. Take a look at this new program Joe developed to help someone in your situation.
We understand and believe this can give you some peace and hope going forward. I have cheated on my wife with one night stands and now she is in love with someone else she recently met.
She tells me that he understand her, listens to her and is just a good person. She filed fit divorce two months ago but we decided to work on it but she finally decided she was done.
What can I do? My heart breaks for you. The situation you describe is much more than I can address here in a few short paragraphs. As you know, your situation is bad. However, it is not necessarily hopeless. Is there anyone that your wife respects who is willing to intervene and ask her to consider saving her marriage. If so, please ask them to do so. Then find a very, very good counselor that your wife will trust and the two of you can work with.
If your wife is willing to make only a brief effort and will not commit to seeing a therapist, consider our Marriage Helper workshop. Finally, be strong. Nothing about that makes you attractive. Be the man she fell in love with. He was divorced with 2 kids. We had twins together.
Right before we married he had an affair. I believe it happened before. Then I became a slave in the house and overworked with 2 jobs to keep up with his child support and alimony.
He was very selfish. I met someone 2 years ago. I am a caretaker.
But I fell for the man inside of the mess. My husband is the opposite but has clingy issues and we never agree on things. I know if i leave him I will end up with a mess. We understand that there is something that has kept you with this man when it seems he is not necessarily your type. If you want to better understand your situation and the appropriate steps you can take to end this relationship and fall in love with your husband again I will give you two options we have for couples like the two of you:.
If you are not able to join us for one of the workshops, we also have a new five part video series called Decision Point for spouses who have been unfaithful. It also can be a bad thing, as you already know. When it became clear that he is selfish and that you had to take care of all the housework and hold two jobs just so he could pay alimony, you allowed that to occur.
When you met the new man, you see the troubles of his past and say that you cannot break it off because of your caretaker nature. Yet, you say that the reason you cannot break it off with him is because you feel a need to take care of him. It seems that you suspect that your major attraction to the new man is not just to find freedom from what you have, but perhaps another chance to rescue another troubled man.
BUT, you already sense that his past struggles may not mean freedom at all. It may be that you move from the proverbial frying pan into the fire. It almost seems as if you need to prove your worthiness or your right to be loved by having someone who needs you to take care of them. If you continue in that vein, your life is likely going to be one miserable relationship after another. If you want to learn to love well, and to be loved in a way that brings true happiness, learn first to love yourself.
When you learn to love you, you very likely will stand up to your current selfish husband and be strong enough to stop working two jobs and no longer be a slave to support his selfishness. You already know his weaknesses and strengths. You see mostly the good in the new man, yet your statements indicate that there is a nagging in the back of your brain that being with him would present another set of problems that may be worse than what you have now.
Rather than hoping the new relationship will help you find happiness, I strongly urge you to move away from that man — yes, I know it will be difficult and that you are so much needing affirmation that you would feel great pain if you stop seeing him — and find the help to get you where you need to be with yourself.
Though I am not a prophet, I fear that if you continue with the new lover, your self-esteem and need to feel loved for who you are rather than what you do will become even a greater problem and happiness will elude you for years to come.
When you find the way to love yourself — truly love you in a good way — you can then do what it takes to make your current marriage be what it should be. I married young, and we are almost to year five.
Recently, another woman has captured my heart. Right now, the latter relationship is platonic; flirtatious at most. But it may be headed toward more. On the other hand, I want children and my wife, at bottom, does not. This other woman does, and just today we looked longingly together at another happy family. If you do not find a way to resolve that, the underlying resentment can and usually does build to a level that can destroy a relationship and leave each person bitter. You want to leave her because you have allowed yourself to fall in love with another woman.
Your friendship deepened as you gradually began to share more about your lives, your dreams, your fears, and even those things about yourselves that hardly anyone else knows about. At some point you began to feel that she understood you like no one ever has…that you can talk to her about anything…that the connection you two have is beyond what most people ever have and that it may be that no one else has ever felt the way you do about each other.
Now things that are valid — such as your differences about children — have become so much larger and stronger motivations to you than they were even before.
They loom so big that you cannot imagine staying with your wife. What you wanted before from her is now available from your lover. The beliefs and values that kept you with your spouse are fading and your desire to be with your lover is growing stronger at a rapid and amazing rate. If you leave your wife and go with your lover, the intensity that you feel now — the emotions that both you and she expect to last happily ever after — will eventually fade.
You can still care about each other, but the amazing sensations you feel now will inevitably erode into something different. When finally that happens, you will see that she is flawed as well.
Everyone is. Your lover. Your wife. You will look back on the beliefs and values that you once held dear that you violated to have her. And, if you are like the vast majority, you will come to regret your abandoning what you once held dear. You definitely have a problem with your wife that needs to be resolved. These are two separate problems. To be able to face the future with high regard for yourself, solve your problems with your wife.
After you deal with that, then make a decision about your lover. As long as you are putting your lover first, you cannot make a decision about your lover that you will be happy about ten years from now. Absolutely brilliant analysis of the situation. You keep saying the feelings in the primary relationship are more important than those in the second relationship. I agree with you on this, I understand that marriage is an important commitment. I understand that some people believe marriage to be final and sacred.
I understand that we seek the things we feel we are missing, that we want to feel complete. But feelings are feelings, and I dont believe a marriage trumps the heart. It wants what it wants. They keep saying that we are only focusing on the flaws of our spouse and the things we love about the new person. I understand that everyone has flaws, everyone! But when you know in your heart and soul that this new person you met has touched you so deeply, you love the flaws as well, in my case of course.
I already decided, maybe evn before it got so serious. Be an adult and make a decision. Live with the consequences of your actions. You just described what I am going through exactly. This has helped me tremendously.
The situation sucks, because the love is very real. Hey Joe, I love that it seems you seen your affair as a big nono…. Sam, while it is true that many relationships do begin with limerence, the real issue here is whether or not you have a right to the person that you are in limerence with.
If two people are single, fall in love, and go through limerence, that is normal. Feelings change. Even when two people have a right to each other, limerence fades. It always does. Biologically and chemically, it has to. If someone follows their feelings and betrays their integrity, they change who they are as a person. They will turn into a person that they no longer like. My marriage of 29 years has never been the marriage that I dreamed of. I find myself to be more of a father-figure to my wife than that of a husband.
I have never liked this role. My wife and I have had many discussions about this before. For all these years, I have just accepted the way things are. I met a lady online 8 months ago. She seemed really nice and intelligent. We have been really good friends and can talk about anything.
We have shared so much between us and it has turned out to be a beautiful friendship. For that, I am very grateful! She seems to be a perfect match for me, and she is everything that my wife is not. We are supposed to meet in person for a few drinks soon. I am very afraid of what can happen when we actually meet. I can see how this situation could go really bad, really fast.
I have to admit that I am torn right now, not knowing what to do. Should I pursue my happiness with this other person or should I stay in this less than adequate marriage and acknowledge the fact that it is all just a dream. The temptation is there.
I never thought it was possible, certainly not possible for me. But here I am. I have been married for ten years. My husband and I have had many issues in our marriage. For the last three years I have connected with a man I met when I was 15 years old.
I talk to him everyday on fb. I have fallen madly in love with him. He lives in Boston and me Toronto. I often fall asleep thinking of him. I feel so stuck and just want to cry. Im married for 16 years. I dont feel a connection to my husband anymore. I got in contact with an old guy friend and I think we have fallen in love. My husband cheated on me 6 months before our marriage although that was years ago.
The feelings and connection with my friend is amazing I feel we were meant to be together. My husbands knows of the affair and I have no contact with my friend but its killing me, I miss. Cant leave my mamarriage because we have financial commitment and a 10 year old daughter. You may see money, or financial commitments being a part in this, in reality it is an excuse to stay with your husband. Your child together may also be a factor but neither are the issue. First off what led you to reconnect?
Was a simple Hey old friend… or did you put yourself in that situation. Two different things with different purposes. From my perspective it seems as if you have some still untesolved issue with your husband.
Experience: I'm married but sleep with other men
Either for the infidelity he committed or something else. Either way though that is yet another excuse you have given yourself to ease the pain that you are committing emotional cheating. Before I would run with a man that was willing to help destroy a marriage, i would try to rekindle those feelings that helped rebuild it after your husband cheated. Or because in his moment of weakness he knew the regret, and wants to save the marriage.