30 Year Age Gap But Our Lovelife Is HOT! - EXTREME LOVESend questions for Cecil Adams to: cecil straightdope. Your direct line to thousands of the smartest, hippest people on the planet, plus a few total dipsticks. I work at a small liberal arts college. I have a co-worker with whom I'm work chums we're not bosom buddies but we like each other at work- I'm sure you've had one. He ended a long-term relationship last year non live-in and I was glad when he said he'd met someone who really "did it for him"- bright, vivacious, intellectual and, I just learned when I met her- 19 years old. She's a student at the college where we work. He's technically a professor but he's non-teaching, so she's not ever going to be in any of his classes, so that's not an issue.
I am one of those women who date only much much older men, and frankly, all my best relationships are with these men who are at least 20 years older than I am. They are financially much better off, they are better provider, they treat women better and they take better care of their partners. And they are mature enough to understand Love, Trust and Mutual Respect come in one package when it comes to good relationships. Now I am engaged to be married to my bf of 3 years and he is 30 years older than I am.
And we are both very very happy together. So if your friend is happy with her older boyfriend, and if you value your friendship with her, you should be happy that she is happy.
Source s :. Add a comment. Asker's rating. Dating At Whatever works for them, they're both adults. And no, I don't think it's weird for a guy to want to date a pretty year-old, and for a girl to want to date a "hot" year-old.
I would be a little weird if she was 50, or if he was ugly, fat and bald But otherwise, no, they're just having fun. I so totally disagree that at 18 you would have nothing in common with a year-old When I was 18, my best friend was my mom's age; we had a lot in common, and had fun together. I also dated older guys, in their 30s, because I simply couldn't bear the immaturity of the guys my age. As I grew older, I continued to date guys in their 30s, until at 30 I met my husband who was I "grew into" my preferred age group.
So what if my past relationships didn't last? How long a relationship lasts is not the only measure of how good it is. When you read a book, are you concerned with the number of pages it has, or with how much you enjoy reading it? Some books that are very good can also be very short, you know.
I'm a 35 year old who is seeing an 18 year old I never knew i would be in this position and well the girl grew on me and yeah we get along fantastic. I have a relationship with someone who is Of course, this is because I prefer a mature person who knows where they want their life to go and I choose not to deal with the high school drama and what not.
Other people might just be confused of what they want and they haven't had the chance to experience what's out there because they might be afraid of getting hurt. So since you know this girl better than us A mature man and relationship or Is scared to date her own age because she's afraid of getting hurt.
Nothing wrong with it on the surface as it seems there's lust and potential there. Who knows it may work but they should be focused on having fun not a future because those odds are not good.
This Site Might Help You. RE: What do you think about a 18 year old [girl] dating a 35 year old [man]? When I was 18, I dated a guy for a little while that was Just my opinion, love. As a Prof. Wht he is doing is very taboo among the upper echelon of college profs. Though not conpletely unheard of, it does happen, but it is not a norm by any means.
Sounds like your 38 year old prof. It is not advisable to date students at your institution, and though I have personal objections to the age difference, in this situation it is more of a professional indecency.
And it is non-of your business, but you'll probably be called upon to pick up the pieces when it falls apart. I feel for the girl If she only knew what she was getting into Sometimes it's the father figure thing.
I like the much older guys myself. On the other hand, this does seem a bit icky to me. I think it's because the girl is "just a baby". Before I started dating men twenty years older than me, I dated men the same age as myself, and one much younger. Makes me wonder if this girl knows what she is doing, but hey!
Could be she just wised up a lot faster than me. This is similar to my sister's situation and I'm pretty worried about it.
Young man (23) dating an older woman (35) 12/3/ AM; Tincho we've been married 18 years now, have a wonderful 16 year old son and a solid. I've discussed dating out of your demographic with men and women . to think about kids or how old someone will be when I'm 35, because I. The only issue is our age difference—he’s He doesn’t think it’s a big deal, and, like him, I also sort of believe that age is just a number. My best friend already told me, “If you date that older guy I’ll never speak to you.”.
She's 19 and apparently not just seeing, but sleeping with a 35 year old Scottish man that none of her family has ever met or knows anything about. She let it slip to me I'm 28 FWIW when she had had one too many beers at a party exacting a promise that I wasn't to tell our mother. Well I told my older sister and she told my mother so technically I didn't tell but my mother doesn't know what to do.
My younger sister has a history of telling lies about who she's socialising with and what she gets up to when she goes out and despite numerous talks with her six older siblings she's the youngest in the family she can't seem to see the problem with this.
OK part of me says it's her life and she should do what she wants, and we can't lock her up because she's not a minor anymore, but I honestly do question the motivation of the average 35 year old man who wants to go out with a 19 yr old. He's either too much of a loser to get someone his own age or he is mainly motivated by sex rather than a desire to build a 'future' with his partner and equal partners?
Also the fact that he's from Scotland - for all she knows he could be married and just coming over here for a bit of action every now and then I would be interested to find out how much the 19 yr old mentioned in the OP's family know about her 'relationship' with your colleague. I just wish my little sister could see that and I fear for her safety she lost her virginity last year by being drugged and raped by a 40 yr old at a party no one knew she was at because she had lied.
First, my gut reaction? When the luster is gone, the younger one probably won't be around for the long haul. It is a fool's paradise.
And, it'll never work. Seen it first-hand. It tears families apart - because it has impact and fallout concerning more than just the once-happy couple. It's even worse should they marry AND have kids. Then, it generates perhaps the ugliest of all divorces. That's when their age differences really show the most I WAG it is the older one's way of foolishly thinking one can escape a mid-life crisis in this fashion Anyway, who says this is a heavy relationship?
Maybe they're just screwing each other's brains out. I'm 43 and the guy in the OP is my hero. The only upside of being middle-aged is that you can date women half your age and no one gets to say "boo" about it. From the age of 32 to 37, I dated a woman 17 years my senior. My last date was with a year-old. As long as nobody's breaking the law and everyone's having fun, I don't see a problem here. I'm very sorry your sister endured this, but the rapist in question could just as easily have been 20 years old.
Sexual predation isn't something one grows into. Seriously, who cares? He's well within the law, and it's his and her life to live.
Find something worth your time to worry over. As long as nobody's breaking the law and everyone's having fun, I don't see a problem here Point taken but the point I'm making is that it's much less likely to be a level playing field emotionally between the two when the guy is years older. The point is that these affairs break up more often than stick together in the long run, and when affairs break up someone nearly always gets hurt no matter what we would like to believe.
I think the younger and less-experienced of the two is more likey to get hurt in this situation. That's why I can't help feeling that guys who go out with much younger girls are often sleazy because they aren't necessarily being honest about what they're prepared to offer their young girlfriend who is often so starry-eyed and flattered at being given attention by an older man that she doesn't fully appreciate the reality of the situation.
I'm painting a bleak picture I know but I think it's a bit more realistic than the happy sunny picture a lot of other people paint of such an un-equal relationship.
And yeah there's nothing much you can do about it other than express disapproval when they're both 'consenting adults' but there are adults and there are adults, so yes, I do reserve my right to disapprove in general while conceding that in certain rare circumstances it may work out well. Like others and yourself have noted, it's none of your business. I agree it's very strange, but they are both adults and hopefully capable of making their own decisions.
I won't say anything about it because I learned long ago that nobody myself most certainly included is going to listen to anybody else where their sex-life is concerned and, as somebody here pointed out, 19 is above the age of consent in every state, but here's another weirdity is that a word?
She was a very young grandmother she had a kid when she was about 18 and that child had a child when she was about the lady was slightly older than my co-worker- probably and became a grandmother after they started dating- and though I'm gay I can still say she looks better in a pair of tight jeans than any "granny" I ever saw.This 18 Year Old Girl is Dating a 68 Year Old Man
It's just particularly unusual to go from dating a grandmother to dating a teenager unless you're Woody Allen. I've wondered if there's as much of a stigma in the straight community, or if there'd be as much or more of a stigma if a 19 year old guy was dating a hot 38 year old woman. Now otoh, I don't have the slightest problem looking at male strippers who aren't much if any older than 19 anymore than most straight guys would mind looking at female strippers that age, but somehow that's different because Seacrest out.
I'm with Phlosphr. This does not seem like a smart career move. It may not technically be against the rules, but does he really want to be known as "that creepy prof who sleazes on students"?
And he will be known as that. I'm a 38 year old guy. Saturday, I had a date with a woman who is Although I don't think I could date someone who is 19, I can understand how such a relationship could happen. I've never been married, so parts of my life are in an arrested stage of development. I've got the material belongings and maybe the maturity of somebody in their 30s, but because I never got married or had children, my social life resembles someone who is just out of college.
In a way, I can identify very closely with someone who is in their late teens or early 20s. If I was with someone who was college-aged, I wouldn't feel that we didn't share a similar set of experiences.
The tricky thing to being a never married single guy in your 30s is that you may think a woman who is actually in your age group is much older I'm finding that as I get older, I have a much more difficult time estimating a woman's age.
It's hard to conceptualize that a woman your age would have two teenage kids, or be driving a minivan. May-December attractions have their risks and downsides, but generally speaking, acquaintance rape isn't one of them. Most college-age women who are drugged and raped, are drugged and raped by their generational peers, frequently by fellow students.
What your sister endured was a horrible crime, but it wasn't part of a larger general pattern of older men slipping roofies into younger women's drinks. It was far more the exception than the rule.
I guess I don't see a lot of evidence to back any claim that people get more mature, interesting, or insightful as they age. They seem to become less bouncy and less hyper, but the same stunning immaturity hangs around for life.
35 and 18 dating
An older person has more opportunity to become educated; however, an older person also has more opportunity to become enlsaved to intellectual blinders. I'd rather be with an intellectually curious 19 year old than 34 year old habitual thinker. I would also suggest that before one complains, one should produce a pool of age appropriate candidate mates that demonstrates the availability of viable romance candidates.
If similar age is such a selling point, why didn't the offending gentleman make the obvious choice to date a woman his age?
When I attended college, I felt far too young to be pursued by the professor who was interested in me. I was about nineteen years old, myself. I hid behind trees whenever I thought I saw him across the green. Ended up leaving that college due to my discomfort.
Should a year-old date an year-old? , I know a guy who is 35 dating a girl (yes, I said girl, not woman) who has just turned Dating and relationship coach, author. 10/28/ Since you are 18 years old, you are allowed to date a woman half your age plus seven." Son looked at When you're 35, you can date a and-a-half-year-old woman. Absolutely nothing wrong with it at all. There are some ladies who have better relationships with much older guys than immature young ones.
If he'd been even five years younger, I wouldn't have felt so weirded out. And he was only in his mid-thirties. The age difference does bother me, and I'd probably try to convince any friend of mine who was dating a much older man or woman to move on to someone younger.
My parents had an 18 year age difference (she was 16 and he was 34 but I honestly do question the motivation of the average 35 year old. tl;dr: My sister (18) is dating a much older unmarried man (36) and seems quite attached. Should I meet him? What should I say when I do?. Amelia, 28, wrote: "I see lots of men online over 35 who are looking for women 18 The obvious question is why so few men are interested in dating that most women over 35 want to date men who are their same age.
But that's not from any rational thought process, only my singular bad experience. My wife and I got married when I was 38 and she was We met on the internet. We have been married almost four years now, and have two children. Many people who don't know us are scandalized by this. But the two of us get along very well because of compatability in maturity levels, interests and priorities.
We discussed the age difference at the beginning of our internet relationship and decided that it didn't matter. We conversed by IM, e-mail and telephone for seven months before deciding that we should meet face to face.
We got married ten months after we met. We get happier every day. In my experience, relationships run into trouble when there is a maturity gap or a large difference in mindset or priorities.
If a relationship begins with a physical attraction, there is always the risk of it failing because that is a very superficial way to start things off. Was I looking for young flesh? Was she looking for a daddy? Are people who say these things looking for a justification to look down on a relationship they don't understand? It's a little odd, but they are very much in love.
He's got a mental disorder bipolar, maybe and she seems to keep him calm. I have two female friends my age who are in relationships with men in their fifties. It was all a bit oogy for me to begin with but I'm really getting used to it. Both men have daughters nearly the age of their partners extra-oogy! I've met both men in question: they are plain-looking middle-aged men, with ordinary incomes and regular lives.
They are not rich hunks, or pedophiles, or creepy, or any of those things. I remember when the one friend told me she had met someone. She was starry-eyed and wobbly, and on about this guy who made her laugh, and who was fun and interesting, who really understood her, and generally knocked her off her feet. The thing is, she went on to say, he's in his fifties. We were all quite shocked. Her main concern was with 'what people might think. I'm curious to see what others think: thinking I'm not just saying that either: it's in the Bible in the Book of Laotians or Lactations or somewhere.
I see no issue here. Might be it won't last long, but then? Short lived relationship happen all the time. Is he motivated primarily by lust? And then? Plenty of men and woman are when they choose a partner. Might be someone will get hurt. But then? Romances end with someone getting hurt all the time.
Is the girl more likely to be hurt than the guy? Doesn't seem obvious to me. She can very well leave him for a younger mate tomorrrow. I would actually suspect it's more likely than the other way around. And maybe it will last. One of my colleagues had been happily married with a man 20 years older than her she was 20, he was 40 for twenty years.
If they're satisfied with their choice, that's great for them. What I would say? I don't know That I'm pleased to know he met a woman he's happy with, perhaps? Well, I think that goes without saying- it's only natural to be physically drawn to a sexy 19 year old, but that's why the Lord made American Express and the term "Personal Services".
If Sampiro put more thought into that, someone could've made a nifty "Jews love Chinese! Professionally, I'm going to say that it wouldn't really fly at my institution. There's no policy involved, but the professor would definitely be looked down upon by his colleagues and probably with some secret envy, too, but whatever. A couple of years ago, there was some talk that maybe there would be a policy, and we put some off-the-record feelers out to the faculty, and while reaction was mixed about a professor dating a grad student, it was nearly unaminous that undergrads should be off-limits.
Personally, I'm going to go with "none of your business. I know a couple, friends of friends sort of thing, that have a comparable age difference -- he is an older professional gentleman, she married him after her high school graduation. Despite my first :eek: response, they have been married for a few years now and as far as I know, they are very happy. Go figure. It was a joke. Discover gives cash back. That's better. I'm all like "escorts take American Express?
Yeah, right! At least not the ones under the freeway overpass! Besides, it's not like you can tell people that are in the infatuation stage that their relationship is wrong. Like he's gonna say "Oh my God, I never thought of it that way!
The heart wants what it wants, what are ya gonna do? When I was 23 I had a really nice co-worker that was 37, and I eventually decided that though he was interesting- and was flirty- we didn't have enough in common to pursue him.
You know those girls who refuse to date anyone younger than they are, much less anyone their own age? They have a specific, thought-out.
Not to mention him being closer to my mom's age she was 20 when I was born than mine probably wouldn't have gone over well with the family